Thursday, March 11, 2010

My Heart Soars Like A Parakeet But You Are An Avocado

The old tree against his shoulder, upon which the side of his head rested, made no comment as Dan vented his frustrations.  Catalog of woes completed, the young man noticed the somber shade of the clouds scudding across the reddening sky. The forest shadows had grown long and only a few dim pools of light painted the leaf litter.

"You're a good listener, Mister Tree," Dan said, "but my mom was a real clever talker. Know what she always said? She said, 'Never let the sun go down on an argument'." He straightened up and gave the tree a hearty slap on the side. "We're two peas, you'n me. I'm dumber than a post too, old buddy, but I ain't dumb enough to ignore my momma's advice. I got some apologising to do." He pointed at the sky. "And I ain't got long to do it!"

Dan set off at a breakneck pace through the forest, leaping from stumps and ducking branches. The rightness of his decision filled him up like he had a fat helium balloon for a soul and he wanted to soar. He fought down a holler, aware that his apology remained unspoken.

The notion to stop came a little late to check his speed, so that he stumbled and slid to an ungracious halt next to Maria. He hunkered down beside her and grabbed her hand, wrapping both of his hands around her fingers for warmth.

"Listen, sweetheart, I was wrong," Dan said. "You shake me up like a soda pop, baby, but I shouldn't be letting it bother me so. I apologise. I sincerely apologise, and I hope that you can find it inside you to forgive me."

The sun had set some time ago when he finally let her hand drop. With a sigh, he pulled the shovel from the pile of loose dirt and started to fill in the shallow grave.

20 comments:

  1. I'm surprised he didn't open her up first, to see if he could find forgiveness deep inside her.

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  2. Yay, to my knowledge this is my first namesake to die (and be the victim of a crime of passion, to boot) in a fridayflash :-D

    Is catalog the right spelling? Too many years working in IT and I have started to spell dialogue as dialog and programme as program...

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  3. I wasn't expecting that because I was still giggling over the title! Love the description of his soul as a fat helium balloon!

    What a dope. :-) Fantastic flash, though.

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  4. This was great. Very clever! I love the cheerfully macabre. Good job. You have another subscriber to your blog!

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  5. Mom needs to add to her advice so he knows that if he's going to apologize, he needs to do it before they're dead. Unless this makes him happy, I guess...

    This was a fun read despite--or because of?--the gruesome ending.

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  6. Is it bad to laugh at such a tragic tale? Guilty as charged ;-)

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  7. This is a funny title, but I kept waiting for the parakeet. What an ending; I should have seen it coming, but I didn't.

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  8. It's never too late to apologize, I say. Or too awkward.

    Did laugh at his wrapping hands around her fingers for warmth!

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  9. I've heard that advice about never letting the sun go down on an argument. Well, that's one way of approaching it! I love endings like this (not in real life, of course).

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  10. Was he expecting her to wake up or something?

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  11. The title alone makes it worth reading! And 'shake me up like a soda pop' had me giggling too, until the...uh,yeah.

    Funny AND creepy! Nice work.

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  12. Anton, I had to read the title three times to make sure I wasn't crazy - just brilliant. Though the first paragraph seemed to hold a few too many adjectives to match the voice throughout the rest, it's still a great, fun piece.

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  13. I agree with the other comments that the title is very effective. Great hook and the story moves right along. The helium soul line stood out--very original. I knew from the foreshadowing that something was up but your story had a satisfying ending. Nice!

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  14. Great ending! Fun title. Nasty goofy guy. Loved it!

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  15. Thank you for the comments!

    Avocados make parakeets poorly. Gives the respiratory problems and can be fatal.

    Re: Catlog (and somber, for that matter) - depending on the voice of the narrator I either use US or British spelling. The voice in my head was American so...

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  16. That title is a riot, Anton! Very amusing story as well. :)

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  17. OMG. This was spectacular. The dialect was fab, and the twist was perfectly timed!

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  18. You kill me, Anton. I'm such a sap I go riding along with you, totally clueless that I'm about to get wapped in the head with a shovel. Fabulous twist.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

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  19. Avocados also make me go not so good. You calling me a parakeet? Rollicking (I just read Chance's flash)!!

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