Sunday, October 11, 2009

Weak Will and the Small Bottled Woman

On his way from here to there Weak Will came upon a fair sized hill on the top of which he found a bottle, fully seven feet tall. Inside the bottle was a small woman, standing slumped against the inside of the glass.

Weak Will tapped the glass politely and said, "Excuse me, miss, but may I be of assistance?"

"I've been trapped in this bottle by an evil giant and he will soon be back!" said the small woman, her voice distorted and faint because of the thickness of the glass.

Weak Will just hardly managed to clamber up to the neck of the bottle and, fixing himself with an arm wrapped about, he tried to work loose the giant cork that sealed it tight, but it had been driven home far too tight and would not shift.

"You will suffocate," said Weak Will, distraught.

The woman shook her head. "I sucked in a puff of air before he corked it and I have been breathing hardly at all ever since." She jerked a thumb over her shoulder, wedged too tight to turn about. "See that tree at the bottom of the hill?"

Weak Will nodded.

"Give the bottle a push and it will roll down and strike the tree!"

Weak Will was sceptical, but concerned by the lack of air he heaved the bottle over and began to push it towards the steep downward slope, from where down below he could see the old tree with its thick trunk. A stranger's voice hailed him.

Weak Will turned to see a man in a fine suit, wearing a tall hat. "What are you doing there?" said the man, sternly.

"I'm going to roll this bottle, and the small woman therein, down this steep slope and into that tree yonder!" said Weak Will, indicating the tree in question.

"Out of the question!" said the man. "Do nothing. I will fetch the people from hereabouts."

Weak Will thanked the man and said, "but do hurry! She has had only a little puff of air and will soon expire."

The well dressed man ran off down the steep slope, but eventually returned alone.

"Where are the people to help?" asked Weak Will.

"To help?" asked the man. "The people are down by the tree, ready to watch. You may proceed forthwith."

Weak Will looked down to the tree and saw it was surrounded by a great crowd of people, busy erecting stalls and generally preparing for a terrific festival.

Looking from the spectators to the small woman inside the bottle, Weak Will wasted no more time on words and gave the bottle a tremendous push so it clattered and rolled down the hill, building speed, leaping into the air as it struck each bump, and landing with a crash to keep on rolling. The mob of people around the tree hooted and hollered with excitement. Weak Will ran after the bottle, unable to keep pace with it so that it steadily drew away from him until it crashed into the tree.

Arriving at it just seconds later, Weak Will saw that the bottle was intact, the small woman inside it conscious, but dazed and bloody. "Again..." she croaked.

Weak Will struggled mightily to push, haul and roll the bottle back up the hill, his pleas for help falling on deaf ears. When, after an absolute age, he had managed to return the bottle to the top of the hill he checked once more on its occupant.

"I've been trapped in this bottle by an evil giant and he will soon be back," she said. Weak Will shook his head, kicked at the bottle and sent it tumbling back down towards the tree. The crowd cheered, very nearly as loudly as before, but once again when he arrived beside it, Weak Will found the bottle was still intact.

"Again..." said the small woman, so once again Weak Will crawled back to the top of the peak with the enormous bottle, and once more he sent it careening down at the tree. A few stalwarts in the crowd managed a weak shout, but most of those gathered about were busy eating or chatting and had lost interest in Weak Will's efforts.

For a third time the bottle hit the tree, and for a third time Weak Will found it to be intact when he caught up to it.

"I fear we will never get you out!" wailed Weak Will.

The small woman looked at him blankly through the thick glass. "Get me out?" she asked, confused.


  1. Whoa. That was a surprise ending! What a twist.

    Straight From Hel

  2. A plea for help my ass!

    Grrr, you're gonna get it, Anton Gully.


    Wanna know what "it" is?


  3. Interesting story, Mr. Gully. So the woman didn't want out? And it's odd that the rescue attempt is played out before an audience.

    It gives one pause for thought.