Thursday, December 10, 2009

oh no doctor lies

He threw out his chest, tossed his unruly mane of blond hair and roared, "No, Doctor Lies, YOU are mistaken! Do you think I am so easily duped? I, who saw through the String-Tingler's insidious plot to replace the world's currency with blood-sucking mimics? Do you think I will be so easily defeated?  I, who single-handedly stopped a swarm of meteors from crashing into the earth and destroying all of civilization? When there wasn't even anything WRONG with my other hand! Do you think I will crumble under the pressure? I, who so silently, and with admirable nobility, bore the heartache of my lover's betrayal with Maximus Slime, the details of which you can read in my best-selling autobiography? Oh no, Doctor Lies, inform your wicked plan that it has a mighty foiling in ITS future!"

The man behind the desk pushed the spectacles up the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Captain Awesome, first of all it's 'Doctor Silverman'. Secondly, I really appreciate your positive attitude, and believe me it will be a boon in the coming months, but the tests are conclusive. I'm afraid it's definitely cancer."

20 comments:

  1. So, what WAS his other hand doing while he stopped the meteors? Or do I even want to know. :)
    I think at times I have been this man...
    Fun read, although tragic for him.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Captain Awesome's bombastic tirade was very amusing!

    [Behave, Laura!]

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm with Captain Awesome. So he says his name is Doctor Silverman. He's Doctor Lies! Of course he'd lie about that, like he lied about the cancer. They're just trying to make Awesome doubt himself.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey John! Ya know, I kinda like your theory.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This was a laugh out loud line ...
    I, who single-handedly stopped a swarm of meteors from crashing into the earth and destroying all of civilization? When there wasn't even anything WRONG with my other hand!

    Then the surprise ending! But I know Capt Awesome can fight it! I know he can! I know he can!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey, the Internet ate my comment.

    Oh, well, it wasn't amusing. But this piece was. VERY. I loved the tirade, and the vehemence you communicated in it. I pity poor Capt. Awesome, who's certain he can yet again overcome the odds to victory.

    Well done. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. A little crazy, whacky, fun and a good read.

    ReplyDelete
  8. At

    "When there wasn't even anything WRONG with my other hand!"

    I snorted milk through my nose.

    Really liked the feel and tone of this.

    Karen :0)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wild and wacky - loved it!

    Cancer is an occupational hazard with superheroes -- slime, comets, and all that jazz.

    Peace, Linda

    ReplyDelete
  10. Aw, how sad! Nice little shock at the end, post-tirade, which was highly amusing. :-) Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hands on hips, chin jutting, Captain Awesome bellowed at the scientist, "With a single awesome leap I will break free of the Earth's gravity field, then by flying at the speed of light against the spin of the planet, I will reverse the flow of time, allowing me to warn my earlier self to get screened in a timely manner. How does it feel to have you nefarious scheme thwart so, Professor Torment?"

    The scientist pushed the text book across the desk. "As I said, it's 'Professor Silverman'. My brother has asked me to explain some basic scientific principles to you..."

    ReplyDelete
  12. lol! Love the sequel in the comments, you have dsicovered a nw form of fridayflash!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I see a comic book in your future. Dr. Lies and Captain Awesome, a duo who argue to the death.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fantastic & hilarious deconstruction of positivity psycho-babble.

    Very funny.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Tragic and funny and, as a longtime fan of superheo comics, a top piece of flash. Great.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Very funny even with the tragic twist. [I wrote this comment with one hand and there isn't even anything wrong with my other hand!]

    ReplyDelete
  17. Glorious. I will aspire to this level of bravado in all my heroes in the future! Excellent grasp of reality vs. fantasy. I would go on, but my comment will become longer than the story! I'll just add: well done indeed. To capture so much of real life in such a minute blast of diabolical comedy.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lol.

    The first paragraph I swear I thought I was reading Naked Lunch.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I hope Captain Awesome finds some sort of super power to reverse cancer because it sounds like we need him. I wonder if it's a required class for super heroes and villains to attend to learn to spout off monologues like that. Good story!

    ReplyDelete